Recently I don’t understand things that have been happening or maybe I do understand but I just dread to accept it.
Most people are excited for what’s going to happen this 2017, they would post on their facebook timeline expectations from God this year and believe me I am to. I am excited for what God will do and what He has in store for me.
But how could you be more excited when suddenly the first message you received from your niece in the beginning of the year was this,
“UNCLE, DAD HAS BEEN HIT BY A CAR LAST NIGHT AND IN A CRITICAL CONDITION…”
I was in great shock. I don’t know what to do at that time. It seemed that a bucket of cold water has been poured down on me. I never experienced my loved ones to be in such set up. And unfortunately I am the first one to received the news.
Honestly I haven’t really gotten over it, my brother is still in the hospital and I haven’t visited him yet and another news came along from my boss,
“WE LOVE YOU AND WE SEE LOTS OF POTENTIAL IN YOU, HOWEVER I HAVE TO LET YOU GO, I HAVE TO DISCONTINUE YOUR SERVICE IN US BECAUSE OF SOME REASONS AND THAT’S MY FINAL DECISION…”
I want to bawl hard, like really, really hard but just like what my boss told me it’s not the end of the world yet and I appreciate and love them so much, I know it has been hard for them but they need to do it, professionally so both of us can learn.
On the side, I still don’t understand things, or maybe I understand some but it just that I haven’t seen the whole picture yet. This is what I like and dislike about God. I do not like it because I am totally clueless and it is testing my patience. I like it because I get a chance to exercise my faith in Him and have my trust become stronger. I believe it is necessary.
On top of these news I hate “You”.
You, was so irresponsible. He has forgotten some priorities and to justify it he would just say that he just want to balance things that surround him. I hate him because he was so worn out physically. Spiritually he was neglecting personal quiet time with the Father. He was busy about the kingdom but not with the King. I am ashamed of You. I am shy of what You is becoming. Maybe what he had received in the beginning of the year is what he deserves.
If you are reading this blog post, You will appreciate a prayer from you.
The last time, I used the pronoun “You” as Cambodia/Khmer.This time “You” stands for myself.
I feel bad about myself and I hate myself. Those selfish desires. God, I hate You (myself). I pray that this year I would just be pretty open to receive whatever rain that you will be sending. I pray and ask, “Send Your Rain”. I pray to be obedient on your will and to be courageous enough to say “yes” if you are telling me to do something.
It must have been heavy and difficult for me at the beginning of the year, however I like to believe that God is not finished with me yet, he is just actually starting. So I can still say that whatever happens, whatever news I have received recently, I am still excited for what God has prepared for me.
God knows the best that I am certain of. Indeed it is not the end yet.